Losing it... (part 2)

So, I guess a key turning point for me was finding music or, more specifically, being in a band. By the time I was 14 or 15, I'd learnt to play the guitar sufficiently well to impress a few people at parties with some riffs, and started up a band with a few guys I knew. It was the only band in our year group, and was therefore the coolest ;-) So we played a bunch of dirty punk at various parties and sounded like shit, but it got me noticed and, most importantly, got me to the place where, miraculously, I found myself being pursued rather than having to do the chasing myself :-)

So that bought me a lot of chances to talk to girls, a few slow dances and (with hindsight) some very VERY obvious flirting, but I was still too much of a chicken to make the next move. Looking back now, it's unbelievable how thick I was - what exactly did I *think* it meant when a girl spent a whole party sitting on my lap with her arms around me!? And, as we'll see, I did not get to be any less of a dumbass any time soon lol ;-)

Various cringeworthy anecdotes follow on from this, which perhaps I'll fill in at some point, but eventually, I heard on the grapevine that there were three different girls who "fancied" me and was advised by my less-fuckwit-than-me male friends that I should basically pick one. One of these was an Iberian rock chick named Natasha, who I thought was pretty cool and who most certainly made stirrings in my teenage trousers ;-) And, as luck would have it, a few of us were invited to her house for her 16th birthday party the following weekend.

In what can only be described as an idiotic display of blindness and naivety, I proceeded to spend the entire night with her on the sofa, cuddling, stroking and eventually sleeping, but I still didn't pluck up the courage to try and kiss her. Why I didn't is kind of baffling to me now but, from what I can remember, I think I was incredulous that she might actually think I was hot, and so, even in the face of frankly overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I failed to believe she wanted me to make a move. Doh!

Anyway, we hung out a lot on lunch breaks after that, chatted extensively and held hands (awwww) and I eventually got around to asking her out - to see a movie. I guess something finally clicked before that first date and, in somewhat of a Jekyl & Hyde reversal of previous events, this time I went in all tongues blazing ;-) And so, in the grand tradition of horny teenagers, we sat in the back row and snogged and missed the entire film :-P

We went out for many months - a LONG time when you're a teenager - and most of my first real sexual experiences happened with Natasha during that time. I remember lots of fumbling with press studs on the bottom of the bodies she used to wear, and excited phone calls to my best friend to tell him I'd played with her tits, or "fingered her" or that I'd licked her pussy. Such innocent, dirty fun mmmmm :-P

But we didn't go the whole hog, so to speak. With hindsight, I think the main reason why is that I just had *no* idea how to talk about it, no clue how to even begin the conversation. If only I knew then what I knew now hehe...

Trist